What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
