i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
