She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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