i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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