All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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