C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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