Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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