my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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