Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
