Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
