this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Randomize
