so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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