$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
