hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
