8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
