So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
