Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize