I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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