Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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