she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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