We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
