I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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