Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
