barbara walters just said penis...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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