she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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