someone threw a dead crab at me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
