I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
