I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
