I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he laminated a picture of his dick.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
