Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
