It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
