I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
