We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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