she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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