i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
