dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
