got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
