Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
