He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
