From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways