Texts From Last Night

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  (520): View more from Arizona

  i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.

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  (520): i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple. http://tfl.nu/a9o6
  Replies (7) Good night (1843) Bad night (609)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.

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  (201): If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now. http://tfl.nu/xijf
  Replies (7) Good night (2889) Bad night (689)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.

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  (502): oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us. http://tfl.nu/ayu5
  Replies (84) Good night (987) Bad night (4592)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

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  (504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0
  Replies (48) Good night (10435) Bad night (1128)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.

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  (703): She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all. http://tfl.nu/qt2o
  Replies (13) Good night (5068) Bad night (1006)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"

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  (203): all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober" http://tfl.nu/2nrl
  Replies (19) Good night (875) Bad night (4085)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.

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  (432): His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex. http://tfl.nu/07s4
  Replies (9) Good night (3535) Bad night (1040)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.

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  (469): The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig. http://tfl.nu/4p0a
  Replies (9) Good night (4383) Bad night (1241)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....

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  (817): Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system.... http://tfl.nu/zett
  Replies (9) Good night (2800) Bad night (797)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.

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  (205): Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up. http://tfl.nu/igo8
  Replies (6) Good night (2434) Bad night (554)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look

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  (254): I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look http://tfl.nu/jucs
  Replies (4) Good night (842) Bad night (488)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."

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  (304): It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry." http://tfl.nu/xw8s
  Replies (9) Good night (448) Bad night (903)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small

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  (425): My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small http://tfl.nu/0a34
  Replies (5) Good night (758) Bad night (239)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.

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  (601): I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank. http://tfl.nu/0dya
  Replies (1) Good night (541) Bad night (220)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.

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  (828): He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something. http://tfl.nu/ank0
  Replies (4) Good night (631) Bad night (424)

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