Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

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(301): you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop. http://tfl.nu/0o9n

Replies (19) Good night (7319) Bad night (802)
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(513): View more from Ohio

why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position

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(513): why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position http://tfl.nu/vjj2

Replies (34) Good night (15598) Bad night (1350)
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(310): View more from California

A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.

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(310): A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am. http://tfl.nu/d1e6

Replies (111) Good night (10079) Bad night (1949)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident

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(605): I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident http://tfl.nu/4t8c

Replies (28) Good night (798) Bad night (2806)
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(913): View more from Kansas

You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #

(816): View more from Missouri

ah tequila...

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(913): You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur # (816): ah tequila... http://tfl.nu/7k34

Replies (22) Good night (6376) Bad night (1130)
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(310): View more from California

Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs

(310): View more from California

Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?

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(310): Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs (310): Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor? http://tfl.nu/gbsd

Replies (6) Good night (3935) Bad night (1278)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...

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(919): Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible... http://tfl.nu/6e9j

Replies (6) Good night (1788) Bad night (1115)
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(702): View more from Nevada

whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.

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(702): whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag. http://tfl.nu/wos6

Replies (4) Good night (2573) Bad night (946)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He's almost as awesome as vicodin.

(513): View more from Ohio

Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you

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(978): He's almost as awesome as vicodin. (513): Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you http://tfl.nu/u3r1

Replies (8) Good night (2581) Bad night (818)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.

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(606): This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce. http://tfl.nu/gzhr

Replies (7) Good night (862) Bad night (2114)
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(914): View more from New York

Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off

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(914): Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off http://tfl.nu/fxgn

Replies (8) Good night (1430) Bad night (700)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom

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(403): Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom http://tfl.nu/04zu

Replies (2) Good night (1446) Bad night (515)
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(219): View more from Indiana

You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.

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(219): You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him. http://tfl.nu/eshg

Replies (3) Good night (1171) Bad night (476)
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(928): View more from Arizona

It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one

(602): View more from Arizona

When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them

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(928): It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one (602): When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them http://tfl.nu/1rtq

Replies (0) Good night (808) Bad night (425)
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(518): View more from New York

I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"

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(518): I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication" http://tfl.nu/6zyw

Replies (6) Good night (925) Bad night (266)

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