She announced her abortion via fbk
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.