Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
