Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.

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(847): View more from Illinois

how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?

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(330): View more from Ohio

he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(516): View more from New York

Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"

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(505): View more from New Mexico

she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes

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(613): View more from Ontario

Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day

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(416): View more from Toronto

honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways

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