I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
