i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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