oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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