Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Welp...herpes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
