Sponge bath it is.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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