Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
