bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
