i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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