dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
