Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
