I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
