I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
