Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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