It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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