have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
