.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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