my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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