i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
