Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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