All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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