Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
