First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
