I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
