Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
