Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so let's talk penis.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
