he looks like a really good dad on facebook
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
