I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
