ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
