Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
