My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's just like the Real World with babies
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
