it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
