I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
dude. I can hear the air.
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