dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
