i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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