Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're completely useless in the revolution.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
