I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
