My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
