I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
